How Long?

Justin Long looked a little young for my taste when he played the cute teen in 1999's genius sci-fi spoof Galaxy Quest (even if he was actually 20 at the time), but he emerged as a fully formed lust object in 2001's Jeepers Creepers, by Hollywood director/paedo Victor Salva.


Justin cemented his reputation in 2004's witty comedy Dodgeball, where his nerdy geek in lycra shorts was simply too erotic for words (an impression confirmed when paparazzi shots showed him topless on the beach. Not looking too nerdy there, I would have said):


He's had his share of burdens including being, for a short time at least, Mrs Drew Barrymore and selling his soul as the personification of an Apple Mac in a long-running series of US adverts (where his easygoing, boy-next-door personality is meant to make you think of warm, consumer-friendly things rather than one of the world's biggest multinational corporations with a vicious approach to intellectual property rights and a -- shall we say? -- apparently relaxed attitude to the conditions in which the Chinese workers of its sub-contractors are employed. Er... straying a bit off-topic here).

But Justin remains a good-looking, warm, geeky guy, with a brilliant line in comedic timing and a rather jolly bent for slapstick.


So it was a surprise when he turned up in the Die Hard movie series, albeit playing a geeky, nerdy kind of guy, a foil to Bruce Willis' rather threadbare tough-guy act.

Imagine my shock, though, when I stumbled across the site of a cartoonist who, inspired by Die Hard, had clearly had some, er, lascivious thoughts about lovely Justin.


And who has made them pen and ink.

Here's the first one where he shows Justin apparently getting off on watching someone -- possibly Timothy Olyphant -- boning Maggie Q:


I can't work out if I find that erotic or creepy.

In the next image, Maggie has turned her attention to Justin. Entirely understandably:


I am not entirely sure why the artist has chosen to give Justin such a massive mutant winkie. Close study of his wet swim shorts in the second photo in this post doesn't hint at such a monster lying dormant in the damp folds of the fabric.

Anyhow, in the final image the cartoonist has chosen to depict Justin completely naked -- an aesthetic choice with which I completely concur, incidentally -- and putting into practice what he has just learnt from Timothy Olyphant.


I'm perplexed that our cartoonist has chosen to depict Justin without any pubic hair at all. This is a surprising choice, given that his winkie is clearly that of a grown man.

Still, who are we to question the choices of great artists?