A question of sport

I just don't get it. My newspaper has a separate sports section, presumably inserted (wisely, in my view) so that the important parts of the newspaper are not contaminated with all this ludicrous nonsense, but today the front pages were all about some soccer match or other.


Apparently, the England football team was so completely shite that it was knocked out of the tournament.

I still don't understand why that qualifies as real "news". Presumably next in this topsy-turvy world they'll be publishing in the sports section in-depth reports on the diplomatic crisis over the allocation of waters from the River Nile?

Be that as it may, I was dimly aware of the existence of this team:


In fact, I was commiserating with an Italian waiter of my acquaintance only the other day about how bitterly unfair it was, that a team so stylish should have been knocked-out of the tournament.


Admittedly he thought I was referring to their style of play rather than their underpants, but we must each try to confine our comments to those fields in which we are expert.

As it happens, I like this iteration of the advert better:


That chap 2nd from left is attracting my attention. As, indeed, is the chap in the middle. But as you know by now, I have very Catholic tastes and a warm and very accommodating bosom.